After last year’s surge in post-game web traffic, I knew we had to do something spectacular this year. This time, inspiration came in the form of a slab of shelf-stable Broadbent pepper bacon I acquired from bacn.com (now owned by baconfreak.com). The predictable thing to do would have been to chunk it up into lardons (French for thick-ass pieces of bacon) or simply slice it thick for superdelishtstic BLT’s. But the meat stuntman in me wanted to stuff it with something.

So of course I went to the best stuffing of all: more pork. I picked up a whole pork loin from Gartner’s, along with some pork sausage-stuffed pork tenderloins. If you’re counting, that’s four types of pork product so far.

I had a plan going in, but it was just a bit of stray cholesterol until I actually opened up the slab. I had no idea how much room there was in there! I got so excited I forgot to take photos of the assembly process, so instead I’ll let you digest the photo below, and describe what’s going on after the break.

Back? Not what you were expecting, was it? Heh. So the body’s the pork loin, sliced at one end to form a mouth. Inside the “mouth” are two garlic cloves acting as incisors, and the traditional apple. A couple more garlic cloves form the eyeballs, and two apple slices form the sow’s ears. The legs are those sausage-stuffed tenderloins I mentioned, with garlic toes (Mmm, garlic toes). Now, I wanted this thing to actually be tasty, and I was a bit concerned about overwhelming samplers with a lot of grease. This creation was going to be wrapped in bacon for a few hours, after all. So before I tucked her in, I sprinkled her back and legs with fresh rosemary “bristles” and lots of chopped up garlic “garlic.” Beneath the sow, I cut some drainage slits in the bottom of the bacon blanket.

I set the oven to 350, and tried not to open it every 15 minutes to see how my monster was developing. The house smelled … so delicious it was actually almost sickening. Imagine a foggy morning so thick you have to turn your headlights on. Now imagine that fog in your nose, and the whole thing smells like bacon, rosemary and garlic. It was difficult to concentrate. But four hours later, I pulled the pig and … wow. I wish you could have tried it. It was delicious, and those that could get past its eerily lifelike appearance were able to taste all four meats in one bite. Best of all, no one got sick, despite the Russian Roulette-like meat game we played. Four chances to get trichinosis, but all cylinders came up empty.

Soooo-ey!

In other 33 Beers news, I restocked both Belmont Station and Saraveza last night, so be sure to stop by after you hear my colorful, rambling origin story on the radio. Bailey’s Taproom is also stocking the books and represents our flagship downtown location.

And of course, you can also purchase the booklets online if you’re outside PDX but inside the USA. I’ll guarantee pre-Christmas arrival for any books ordered online before 11 PM Pacific time on Sunday, December 20th.

Still not sure about the books? Here’s some unbiased reviews from some of my favorite bloggers:

• Beervana
• Appellation Beer
• Brewvana
• Brewpublic
• realbeer.com Holiday Gift Guide

I’d like to say that the recap blog posts are forthcoming, but as every festival attendee can attest, the details tend to get hazy as the samples take hold, and SMS/Twitter reconstructions can only go so far toward recalling the flavor profiles and production details on some of the more obscure or original microbrews tasted.

Our first product, 33 Beers, is an attempt to solve this “memory problem.” It’s a beer journal we designed for rapidly taking down the important details of a beer. A unique “flavor wheel” is included on each of the 33 pages of note-taking area, and it provides a quick, visual way to describe a beer’s flavor (and recall it later). Simple check-boxes for serving method (draft, can, bottle, etc.) and other key information further speed up the process. The idea is to take notes for later recall, but do so rapidly so you can, you know … enjoy the actual beer?

Best of all, it’s highly portable, unlike the 11×17-sized, color-coded Excel spreadsheets we used to tote around to beer festivals. It easily fits in the front or back pocket of a pair of jeans, and is thinner than most mobile phones. It’s printed in the Northwest on 100% Washington-recycled paper using US-grown soy ink, so it should satisfy even the hippiest of hippie beer drinkers.

We’ve set up a web site to sell the book at 33beers.com, and it’s available in a few stores in the Portland, Oregon area (Saraveza, Belmont Station and Bailey’s Taproom as of this writing). It’s been largely a labor of love, and we’d love it if you’d help us spread the word to the other beer geeks in your life. It’s pretty inexpensive, too; it retails at $4 each or a three-pack is $10. Wouldn’t these look great under your tree?

I’ve heard all about making yeast starters and dividing that up after adding it to wort created expressly for the purpose of breeding, but frankly, that has always sounded like a lot of work.

This lost to history web page I discovered had a simpler way to harvest yeast for re-use: simply poor the dregs of a carboy into sanitized plastic bottles after doing your kegging/bottling. Up to six months later, simply open the bottle up and dump into your wort. Even I can do that.

Anyone out there tried this method before? How did it work? For the record, the yeast I’m attempting to re-use is Wyeast 1056 American Ale.

Thankfully, Labor Day reminded me of my priorities, celebrating the American worker by capturing a piece of his paycheck, this time in the form of a new, energy efficient fridge, one whose warranty I immediately began to contemplate voiding.

Here’s how I tackled fridge to kegerator conversion. It really couldn’t have been more simple, but there was a nagging voice inside that kept asking, “You’re going to drill holes in a new fridge?” Yep, and it was totally worth it. Hopefully, you’ll see how easy and worthwhile this conversion is, and shut your inner nag up.

1. Mark holes for the taps. Have the taps before you do this, and ideally the tap handles, too. You want the taps high enough that you’re not kneeling to dispense beer, but not so high that opening the freezer door causes you to spill beer all over the floor by activating the tap handles. I suggest marking the inside, where the contours are the most divergent. The nuts that hold the taps in place need to be on a flat part of the door’s interior, so look for a flat area on the interior of the fridge.

2. Drill pilot holes. Most hardware stores carry extra-long (8-10″ long) drill bits for less than $10, but in retrospect, I think a four or five-inch long quarter-inch diameter bit would have been sufficient to go through the interior plastic, the insulation, and the sheet metal exterior of the fridge door. The important thing is that the diameter of your pilot hole bit is the same, or slightly smaller than, the bit that guides your hole saw.

3. Drill Final Holes Start by using a 1″ hole saw (just a hair larger than the diameter of the taps) to drill the plastic interior lining on the door, using your pilot hole from step 2 as a guide. Don’t drill through the metal from the inside, though – it will leave a very ragged hole. Instead, drill a little more than halfway through the door from the inside, then finish the hole from the outside. This way, both holes will be nice and neat. I thought drilling the metal would be difficult, but it’s fairly thin metal, and a sharp, new bit made very short work of it.

4. Insert the Taps. If you fail on this step, you don’t have the brain cells to lose, and I suggest you abandon alcohol consumption, starting immediately.

5. Secure the Taps. Use the nuts that came with your taps to secure the taps to the refrigerator door by tightening them from the inside. A large crescent wrench is necessary to get the nuts sufficiently tight.

6. Connect Beer Lines to Taps. Connect the beer lines to the taps using the nut-end of the beer hoses. Make sure there’s a rubber washer inside the nut; tightening the nut will compress this washer, providing a good seal on the taps (no leaks!).

7. Connect Beer Lines to Kegs. There are two places you can fail in this step, probably because you’re getting thirsty after all the man work. Do as I say, not as I did. Firstly, make sure the taps are turned off when you connect them to the kegs. Most taps pull forward to dispense, so you’ll want them pushed BACK, in the OFF position. Secondly, the Cornelius kegs (aka “Corny” kegs) used by homebrewers generally have two valves, an “in” and an “out.” The latter refers to the liquid contents, and you want the “out” valve connected to the taps. It is possible to mash the beer lines onto the “in” valve, but you will not be happy with this decision.

Remember where I said to turn OFF the taps before connecting the beer lines to the kegs? This is what happens when you ignore that advice: your precious beer all over the floor.

8. Connect CO₂ to Kegs. After hooking up the beer lines, there should be only one valve left on each keg. Hook your CO₂ up to these valves (marked “IN”), and turn on the pressure at the tank. I adjusted my regulator to provide 10 lbs. of outward pressure, a little higher than I would do for just one keg, but pushing 2 kegs’ worth of beer out seemed to require a little more.

9. Attach Drip Tray I’d say a drip tray is optional, but it was really nice of your wife to agree to this kegerator thing, and a clean, unsticky floor is something she probably values. So get the drip tray, and keep your wife happy. It looks cool, too. I attached mine with Velcro so I could remove it for cleaning easily.

Kegerator Supplies:

• In Portland: Let’s Brew seems to have the best stock of parts, and has very helpful and knowledgeable staff.
• Online: Amazon has cheap parts, but are mostly for standard San-Key style kegs (most pro brewers supply bars in this format). If you’ve already got Corny kegs, I suggest something like this kit from MoreBeer.
• Screw It, I Don’t Have Time to Build One: May I suggest this fine pre-made Kegerator?
• 1-Inch hole saw and mandrel (you’ll need both if you don’t already own the mandrel that holds the saw part).
• 8″ Crescent Wrench

I thought I would smell like bacon.

I’ve been using Bacon Soap for a week, and really, I smell a bit savory, but I don’t smell anything like bacon. No more than any other person that’s been cooking pounds and pounds of bacon in a short period of time, anyway. Not smoky, not salty, not … bacony.

It does smell a little bacony when you use it, though. Actually, it smells a little like other fake bacon products do when you use it. Having sampled a wide variety of bacon-inspired products in a short period of time, I am now highly attuned to that unique blend of industrial dyes and spices that some companies use to mimic the smell of my favorite salty meat. Bacon soap smells like bacon gumballs. Bacon soap smells like bacon mints. Bacon soap smells like bacon air freshener. Bacon soap smells like trying too hard. And it kind of stings my eyes.

Sometimes you want a baguette, and sometimes you want sliced bread. But in the bread family, at least, most American supermarkets give you that choice: sliced or unsliced. Not so with bacon. “You’ll buy sliced bacon, and you’ll like it, bub. Because we know how thick you want it.”

I beg to differ, and thanks to the fine folks at Broadbent Hams, you don’t have to take it anymore, either. Bacn.com offers many of their fine bacons in slab format, so you can cut it how you want it. I like my bacon sliced thick for breakfast slices, but for cooking, it’s especially nice to have bacon cut to order. The French call thick chunks of bacon for cooking “lardons” and they’re a nice addition to any cook’s cupboard. I say cupboard, because Broadbent’s bacon is shelf-stable, at least until you open the package. Sliced into 1/4″ cubes, the outside gets nice and crispy, while the interior stays somewhat soft, providing two nice textures in one morsel.

As a confirmed meatatarian, I’m usually not a big fan of vegetables, but with the addition of bacon, I become exponentially more interested. Wife Sarah’s perfected the art of cooking greens (swiss chard in this example). Here’s her recipe:

1. Cook 1/4 pound of cubed bacon on medium-low heat in a dutch oven (we LOVE our Le Creuset), cooking until it’s brown on the outside. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.
2. Pour off all but enough bacon grease to coat the bottom of the pan.
3. Saute the greens in the bacon grease for a few minutes, until the leaves wilt, about 5 minutes.
4. Add about 3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (to taste) and stir.
5. Add in a teaspoon or two of brown sugar (to taste) and stir to combine.
6. Put the bacon bits back in and stir some more. If you like really crispy bacon, add it after simmering the greens on their own for awhile.
7. Simmer, covered, until stems soften. About 20-25 minutes of simmering results in a texture we generally like, but some people prefer a softer stem still.
8. Season with salt and pepper to taste.


Greens go especially well with barbecue ribs, pulled pork or fried chicken (shown above), but they’re a nice complement to almost any southern-inspired and/or porky meal. Warm, homemade biscuits optional, but highly recommended.



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Editor’s Note: There sure is a lot of bacon-related stuff out there. Every day, it seems, I find something new. And yet, there are only so many days in a Bacon Week. “Seven,” you’re thinking. Nope. Going to go with nine this year. It’s just too little time, and I have a few more things I need to share with the world (and my slow-learning co-workers). Bacon Week 2 ends Monday evening.

After the bacon-flavored sunflower seeds and last year’s bacon mint debaucle, I thought it was time to bring something tasty to work. The mad scientists over at Lollyphile began with just a couple of flavors: absinthe and … you guessed it. Bacon. Maple-bacon, to be exact. Made with real Vermont maple syrup and an un-named organic bacon. Real ingredients, assembled with care. I felt sure this would be the reputation redemption I was looking for. Unfortunately, the treats got a little too much heat after being left in my car, malforming the lollipops quite a bit. Sorry, guys.



Scott: First of all, it was incredibly sticky and difficult to open, and once you got it open, it wasn’t attached to the stick very well, so it came off after a few licks. Secondly, though mine had a liberal amount of bacon bits sprinkled through the maple-flavored candy, they didn’t actually add any flavor at all, unless you got one out and bit into it, and even then, it was overwhelmed by the maple. The maple candy wasn’t bad at all, but since I was expecting more bacon flavor, I was disappointed.



Rodrigo: I think the experience would’ve probably started off better if the lollipop didn’t stick all over my hands. Nonetheless, the super sweet maple flavor is definitely prominent at first… not too much bacon at all. As the lollipop dissolves, rather sticks all over your teeth, I started to feel a subtle bacon flavor here and there. The savory-sweet balance happened maybe about at the half way point—which was still sort of pleasant. After that, bacon bits were being released in high quantity, and the whole thing just kind of got a little gross. The end point just seriously tastes like old bacon from the fridge with a dollop of maple syrup.  The overall experience: it was a rollercoaster of weirdness in my mouth!



Libby: My first reaction, after I managed after 5 minutes get the sucker open, was that it tasted like a sweet potato. The maple flavor was good, although mine seemed to only sport small shreds of bacon which didn’t give it much bacon flavor. That said, listening to cohorts who had larger pieces of bacon in theirs that behaved “like shards of glass”, I was thankful. Overall, it tasted like maple. And perhaps it was due to the heat treatment it received in Dave’s car, but: it behaved more like a hard caramel than a sucker, and I had to manually reattach it to the stick before I even sampled it. While innocuous, when compared to the Bacon Lip Balm, it failed to prove to me that bacon is a worthwhile sucker flavor, as it didn’t seem to have any bacon flavor.



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