Fatty Melt

Oh, my poor gut. The things I subject it to: Hamdogs, Turduckens, and Food Stadiums, oh my.

Today I reached a new low after sampling Portland’s newest food fad, the Fatty Melt, aka the “YouCANHasCheeseburger.” Quite simply, it’s your basic 100% Black Angus cheeseburger, complete with lettuce, tomato, onions, ketchup and mustard. Only, instead of buns, substitute two grilled cheese sandwiches. One for the top bun, one for the bottom. I don’t even want to think about how many calories that is.

Food Cart Signage

The sandwich is available downtown at BrunchBox for the value- and calorie-heavy price of just $5. Breaking it down to its individual components, you’re looking at two one-dollar grilled cheese sandwiches straddling a three-dollar burger (take that, Carl’s Jr.). That’s enough to feed a very small family amply, or to put one “knowledge worker” on the fast train to Type II Diabetes.

Fatty Melt

Of course, the calories only count if they are actually tasty. And in this case, they are. The crispness of the fried Texas Toast complements the crunch of the lettuce nicely, and the oozy cheese in each of the sandwiches meet the softened cheese atop the chewy beef patty in the tastiest triumvirate since the Dahm Triplets. It’s easy for food spectacles (or “Meat Stunts,” as we like to call them) to eschew good taste in pursuit of extremity, but this is one tasty sandwich, and I really don’t feel that gross. Not nearly as gross as I felt after I took on the Baconator.

Half-eaten Fatty Melt

3 thoughts on “Fatty Melt”

  1. These guys are really awful, I just bought two grilled cheeses from the yesterday– i noticed that one was full of hair, then we overheard him the dude with the tattoos up his arms and the black cap and the beard (where the hair came from… i hope) tell his friend he gave us the hobo special AKA spat in our food
    we’re considering calling the board of heath on them
    me and my musician friends felt really sick all day after eating them, not even because some pretentious hipster assholes spit could hurt us, but just because of all the malicious energy put into our food–
    but this might not matter to anyone else here– most of the people eating at those lunch carts certainly wouldn’t be worthy of the hobo special, and i doubt most of you said people with walls and roofs over your heads dont really need to care if it happens to me, as long as it doesn’t happen to you, and don’t worry, it wont

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