Wherein the author drinks two cans of Surly Beer while watching the Ultimate Fighting Championship with Andrew and Dan.

This is just weird. Craft beer in a can? Craft beer from Minnesota? Craft beer in a can?

It’s starting. Elbow shot to the back of the head. That had to hurt. Guess we’re rolling. No lameass musical parade for the UFC. And that’s how it should be. Damn right.

Bitter. Too cold. Too cold? Beer in a can too cold? Shocker. I did just pull it from the fridge.

Boom! Thigh kick. That Orlovski is one scary dude. I wonder when he started wearing those scary teeth? I wonder if he wears them on dates? I think I might be more scared of his old Russian trainer, though. Looks KGB or something. Minsk. Shit. That’s tough. Minsk tough.

Squeezing the beer to hard. It’s all dented up from the adrenal death grip I have unconsciously applied to it. Maybe that’s why it’s called Bender. On the plus side, I don’t have a handful of broken glass. Oh, and it’s warming up. Better.

Wow, Schafer is receiving an ass-kicking. Done. Just like that. That was fast.

That went down pretty easy. I can taste the alcohol, and the burnt, bitter taste is a nice complement to the battery acid flavors in the back of my throat. This is a seriously bloody sport.

Time for the “Furious.” Holy crap. I feel like I just got hop-punched. 99 IBU beer in a can? That’s insane. Insanely good. Wow.

Holy shit. Jardine just applied like 15 punches directly to Griffin’s skull. Whatever he’s paid, it’s not enough.

It is crazy to drink beer like this from a can. Each time the opening touches my lips, I brace myself for something disgustingly bland and icy cold. But this is good. Really good. I would drink this all the time. And pretty strong, too, with the 6.2 %. But why in god’s name is it in a can?! I can taste tin, and I feel like a goddamn hobo.

A punchy hobo.

Put this IPA in 22 oz. bottles and send it my way stat. Or else.

The New Year is a time of year that many people make resolutions. Quit smoking. Eat healthy. Brew more often.

If you’re like me, you probably have also resolved to lose a few pounds, and many in your position would head straight for the Stairmaster. But, as a sociable beer drinker, you’re driven more toward team sports, preferably those that involve beer. Have we got an exercise regimen for you.

Darts is a great way to meet cool people, and give your arm a good workout. It may seem that throwing some lightweight metal sticks for a few hours isn’t exactly weightlifting, but it is.

Consider this: 3 very lightweight darts weigh 21 grams each, which works out to 63 grams per turn. Considering most players take 15 turns in a single game, you’re now looking at almost 1 kg per game. And most players play upwards of 15 games in a night! That’s 15 kg weight lifted per night! Just imagine how much that would be in pounds! And we haven’t even figured in the weight of the pints! To those who’d further question the athletic-ness-icity of darts, just witness the skyrocketing popularity of the World Series of Darts on ESPN next time you’re channel-surfing.

Convinced? The Portland Area Darts Association (PADA, for short, not to be confused with the Portland Art Dealers Association) is holding Spring League signups on Janaury 11th, 7pm at the Moon & Sixpence. See you there!

Need some darts to play with? Piranha Razor-Grip Tungsten Darts are taking the Fart Duckers by storm. So far, Nate, Dan and Dave have all made the switch to these 90% tungsten darts, with their innovative razor-sharp grip (see photo). If none of this means anything to you, consider this: a good set of golf clubs can cost 2,000 bucks. These babies have all the innovative technology of a Taylor-made, at a fraction of the cost. $60.00. Available at Soft Tipper Darts, 6350 SE Foster Rd, Portland, OR 97206, (503) 771-0735.